My friend's mom died this morning. 3rd and 4th degree burns to over 70% of her body. I remember that dark morning in Saudi Arabia when I came home with my baby brother Loik, and the doctors told me that my mother (whom was 8 months pregnant) had been in a horrible fire and was going to die. My father was in the hospital with 2nd degree burns and came home hysterical and afraid as he was the one to put the fire out. I was 12 years old and my life changed. Although I became very strong, I was extremely vulnerable. I grew up over night. Had to take care of my family, handle my regular responsibilities of going too school, deal with preteen hormonal issues, and I started dealing with alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. I felt guilty for what had happened to my mother. Without getting into details, I believe that if I was at home, it would have never happened.
When Vicky told me her Mom had just got burned several weeks ago, my initial reaction was to run away from all the feelings that it conjured up inside of me. I didn't realize how many emotions and feelings I literally stuffed deeply away. I was just a child and didn't really know how to deal with it. I remember turning born again Christian, and secretly chain smoking, and staying drunk and high. I got lucky, despite all odds, momma made it through. Although altered permanently from scars, I still had my momma. I remember resenting her for needing me so much and am still struggling with the guilt of not being happily helpful.
I spoke to Vicky almost every day when her mom first got burned. She sounded so strong and I was shocked to find that I had some jewels to share with her. 1) Don't listen to anything the doctor says. Don't give up. Just pray and talk and sing to your momma because even though she can't see, she can hear you - even if it's subconscious. She just called me and thanked me and my mom for being their and I sit here typing this letter with tears streaming down my face. In a calm and steady voice, she told me her mom passed and even expressed her hopes for her coming around in 3 months, but she's gone. She wasn't even crying. God my sister is a pillar of strength.
My mom says that it was the best thing for her to die, despite what her family wanted. She says that from what she knows and has experienced, that her age and the severity of her burns were too much to bare. I'm just left humbled and grateful. As much as I get angry and annoyed with my mother, she's here with me loving me and guiding me. The story of my family has been TOUGH - to say the least, but we have a bond and strength that only comes when people go through extremely painful experiences.
I'm ashamed to talk to Vicky because I may have given her false hopes. I don't know what to say to someone who's just lost their mother and was looking at my situation as a reference point for perseverance. I must straighten up and just be there for her anyway I can. I wish I was as strong and confident as she is and am thankful that I have been forced to relive the darkest parts of my life.
RIP Mama Jeudy.
Sonia
Sypher is an opinionated, well-acclimated veteran of the Atlanta Entertainment scene. Not only is she an incredible host and TV/Radio personality, but she is also a videographer with a long resume of film work. With her curiously magnetic energy and diverse origins, Sypher represents – all sides, all shades, all ethnicities, all the newbies, all the old-heads, all the natives, all angles, all 360 degrees – Sypher360! Follow Sypher on twitter too: @sistasypher
