The past week has been tough. I've found myself crying a lot and questioning my path in life. The stupid decisions I've made that have not only slowed me down, but affected the people around me. The accident with my car was pure negligence. So many people rely on me and I just SCREWED up horribly. To add fuel to the fire, my family, boyfriend, and friends have been so supportive and kind to me - making me feel blessed, but terribly guilty.
So, yesterday I went to church. Although I don't proclaim to be a Christian, I go to not only support my mother, but also to gain a better understanding of my boyfriend's religion. This particular sermon spoke mountains to me. Judge Melvin Johnson gave testimonials and spoke of the story of Lazarus. In his testimony, he spoke about how God was responsible for making him Chief Judge at the age of 35 and told his incredible story. My eyes couldn't stop watering at the incredible power of God and his inspiring story of faith. What ended up truly hitting home though, was what he got out of the story of Lazarus. It being father's day, he chose this story to inspire men to be visionaries, compassionate, and to walk in their authority. Naturally, it spoke to all men and women. He said that as a visionary, God speaks to us and we must stay firm in our understanding and decisions. When Jesus took 4 days to raise Lazarus from the dead, he had all types of peer pressure and gossipers questioning and doubting him, but he remained steadfast in what he knew he must do. Secondly, when Jesus finally arrived at the house of Lazarus, his sisters (Mary & Martha) were naturally upset with him and people were crying and the gossipers were talking mess about him. Instead of getting upset or saying I told you so, he showed compassion and "Jesus wept", not for Lazarus, because he knew he'd lift him from the dead, but because of everyone else. Naturally, when one stops crying, they must fix the situation instead of dwelling in the sorrow and misery. So Jesus lifted Lazarus from the dead and Walked in His Authority.
This sermon truly hit home for me and is something that I know I will remember for eternity. As a visionary, I knew I wasn't supposed to go to Cristal's party. Honestly, I didn't want to miss out on all the fun and also didn't want her and her brother to think I was a flake since I haven't shown up to anything. I went, and then crashed the car. Of course, many people were PISSED off; my mother was PISSED off since she also relies on the car, Cristal was disgusted cause I caused trouble at her otherwise successful and fun party, and my boyfriend was annoyed for not being safer with my life. Many times I also was pissed because I didn't want to be judged and was tired of hearing people's mouths, but I must show compassion. I messed up and must feel where they're coming from...even if it feels obsessive. I shouldn't expect people to instantly be okay from a simple sorry. Lastly, although this is a major bump in the road, I must walk in my authority. Make sure all parties feel reassured that I will do better next time. Apologize to the right people. Handle the situation of the car. Know that God will forgive me and get on my knees and pray. Be an example. And that is what I've learned and will carry with me forever. REMEMBER LAZARUS.
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