RAT

Today feels like a baaaad day. Everything is scattered. Everything is tattered.
But that's not true either. My defenses are down, my fight has settled.
They say it's easy to be sad and hard to be happy.
I say it's easy to be happy when you ignore your sad.
But it is so much harder to ignore your happy then your sad.
These are the moments you want to sleep.
Nightmares are better then your walking reality.
There is nothing worse then when the people that love you lose faith in you.
Especially when you've wronged them and are too afraid to admit it.
So you hide.
And when you hide, you feel like a rat.
A lowly nasty scuttling greasy tailed rat that doesn't have the guts to take your food out right.
Instead, you lurk in the darkness hoping to sneak your fill.
Leaving your surroundings tainted with your residue.
Nobody likes rats.
I feel like a rat right now.
Hiding in my shame.
I need to switch animals.
Be a lioness or something.
Walk with my shoulders strong and head high.
Face the light despite my naked truths.
I should be shoooed and trampled on and screamed at!
If I make it past the assaults, I won't be considered brave, but I would be.
Adversity builds character...
I'm so afraid right now I'm pretending to be another person.
If it weren't for these words, I would have fooled myself into false action.
This action, the blurting of hidden truth to pad, is too real.
Can't pretend reality is a fallacy.
Must stand tall and face your demons.
Let them rear their ugly head for all to see.
There is no turning back - I'm forcing myself to the light.
The hardest part. After all is said and done.
Is to humbly forgive yourself and keep it moving.
You may never be forgiven nor understood.
But you must stand by the actions you are responsible for.
Today must be a good day.
All the scattered pieces picked up and put in it's place.
All the tattered pieces sewn back together again.
Although scarred...still usable.
You only live once.
How do you want to be remembered?