Always Evolving

You know - I never knew what full support was until now. It's true. Naturally, I've had boyfriends that have had my back - but none that would break their back to make sure WE'RE comfortable. I have parents that love and support me, but they also shove things in my face and make sure they remind me of all my past inadequacies (believe me, there have been a lot in my 30 nothing years). Sure, I have a few friends that have done incredibly kind and nice things for me, but the truth is, most of them know me from a distance. For the first time EVER, I'm hearing and seeing things that are making me realize my own selfishness and feel this undeniable support from my new man. It's a new kind of feeling I've never had before.

One of my major faults has always been that I was afraid to speak my mind, especially to people I loved and didn't want to judge me. As I've grown up, I realize that it has stemmed from my mother always demanding a lot from me, and never really being satisfied. (Just like Prince's momma). It became shameful and out of control and would make me a liar, would make me run away, and would make me fear anything I knew would make me uncomfortable. Let's say I broke a plate accidentally, I'd rather just say I don't know anything about the plate then face the embarrassment and condescension of being scolded for it.

The truth is, my first real relationship had to deal a lot with it. I lied to him constantly, even when I did no wrong. I was afraid of what he might think - and worse, what he would say to me. I regret not being more of a woman, and cringe at how he probably thinks I have no back bone at all. One thing I respected from him, is he always said and did what he felt - whether it was selfish or dead ass wrong. But you KNEW it was REAL. The problem is, I felt judged harshly by him. I was with him through my growing years 17 - 27. He taught me a lot - just never made me feel safe. Knowing my mother, I knew he understood, but it was still out of control. Knowing is half the battle, the other is having the courage to do what it takes to change bad habits. Every moment is your judge and can catapult you to personal achievement. I was always terrified of repercussions - yet God constantly put me in situations that would force me to change my ways, and I'd opt the "easy" way out - which was NEVER truly easy! (Hence my long rap sheet for traffic violations).

My second boyfriend...I was able to tell him the truth about myself and let him into my dark places - but sadly, he was more of a coward then I was. He didn't know how to face himself and always blamed others. I feel that in that relationship, I ended up teaching him a lot. Unlike my 10 year relationship, this one only lasted 2 years, but I learned quickly that this type of man would not be beneficial for my growth and security.

The new guy - it's only been a few months - but he's a MAN. I'd say YES immediately if he asked me. He supports me me when my shit stinks, but forces me to take action and do the right thing. He faces all circumstances, whether they frighten him, hurt him, or exhaust him. He looks everything in the eyes and doesn't back down till he accomplishes his goal. Yet, he is humble enough to know when he can't win and can give things to GOD after he tries. For the first time, I'm not ashamed to be myself - even with my faults. I want him to know the truth of my fuck ups, because I don't have to bare them alone. He will go through them with me - yet not in a reprimanding manner; in a problem solving manner.

Today some cold realities came to light (again) and I have to speak with the person that started this buffoonery (momma). And he said something to me that I didn't even consider. Let's cook her dinner, and we'll talk to her together. Simple. Obvious even. But it's funny how all of my other X's would have just let me fend for myself and let me figure it out on my own. Oh - they'd have opinions and a rule book of what I should say and how I should act - but they would have never considered to sit with me and just let it out TOGETHER. I would have never considered to even ask - I'd just do it my way - in a cowardly way. I don't feel ashamed to say that although I pray for strength and know that God guides me all the time, I also know God put this man in my life to straighten me out so I can be a better vessel for His work.

I finally have the support that you can almost only get from your other half. I feel progressive and unstoppable. I am not afraid of failure AT ALL. If I fail, but spoke and acted in truth, I passed God's test. It's soooo spiritual to me. I adore my man and thank God for him. I can now pick up pieces I've tried to sweep under the carpet. I'm not afraid of the outcome. I may have people that NEVER want to mess with me again (I probably deserve it) - but it's better to face it then hide from it.  In the long run - I'll respect myself more for it.

To always evolving.

Making Music, Photo Shoots, Teenagers, and Halloween

This weekend was full of craziness. I don't even know where to begin, so I guess I'll do this chronologically.

Thursday I went by Melissa Young's house with Cori and was FINALLY able to get J'Lyn the footage of Networking in Atlanta. It was cool sitting with Melissa and building. She was my teacher in Film School and left such a lasting impression on me even though she only taught me like 2 days. She was just so smart and knowledgeable. I appreciated her the moment I met her. I'm excited to see how we will be working together. I need to call her a little later. I finally met the Track Junkies too (Einstein and Cutt). Cori "The Closer" and Einstein were making a dope track for a new artist coming out of SugaShack Music. Here's a taste:


Friday was the photo shoot for The Sypher360 Show. I'm super duper excited for that! I'm thinking we should be able to launch the show for the 25th of November, right before Thanksgiving. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I must thank Sheryland Neal, our lovely producer for putting the whole shoot together. She is proving to be quite great at what she does. She got the photographers, make-up artists, location, clothing and hair in order. Here is her awesome glam squad!

• Special love to Shannon McCullom (www.shannonmccullom.com) for doing the photography. I've been wanting to work with him FOREVER and I'm so excited to see what the pictures look like. It was so strange, cause he worked so fast. I felt like I couldn't even get warmed up. Everybody say that's how he works. He just quick with the click, but always gets the essence of the shoot PERFECTLY! Dude has shot with Erykah Badu, John Legend, Cee-lo, Kanye West, and a gang of others.  I feel truly blessed and cool as Hell to be part of the pack. 
• Special LOVE to Victoria of V-Styles. Once again, she made my hair look phenomenal. A braided Mohawk with the middle straight and long and wavy curly. This is going to be my style for a minute - and cornrows. 
• Sherita Daniels of Perfectly Pretty did my make-up and styled up my hair some, and I must say, I looked ravishing. She was as cute as can be and such a joy to work with. I'm still jocking her style to the fullest. A straight up natural sister that had us listening to gay music the whole time. Gotta love dance music! LOL! Follow her fashion and beauty blog! (www.perfectly-pretty.com) 
• Sherilyn Marilyn put the magic on Ling-Ling's face. She was looking absolutely adorable. Like a little china doll (without the innocence). LOL. Sherilyn had me rolling the whole time with her bouncy silly ass! She also helped with the styling and helped us find the perfect combinations to look fantabulous! Check out Sherilyn's website: http://imstylynn.com and patronize the sister! She's doing BIG things!
• My sisters Yadiya and Mali from Yadiyda clothing ALWAYS look out for me. They hooked us up with more of their unique and awesome clothing. They custom make incredible clothing, so make sure to hit them up and get that perfect outfit you've always dreamed of. www.ventigesoul.com (You will also see Sheryland's awesomeness modelling here).
• Most definitely gotta show love to my Co-Hosts DJ Talib Shabazz and Ling Ling the "ThaiRant" --> get it? ThaiRant like tyrant? We're hoping that sticks.... I'm so blessed to have a cool ass crew to enter in this journey with. 
• And last but not least - Cori "The Closer" Thomas for helping us clean up and get all the lint off my body. Plus - he's making the theme music - Yupeeeee! :) Check him out at: www.corimuzik.com. He's the most slept on Singer Songwriter out there. Y'all bout to hear a bunch more from him though! Don't play!!!

Saturday was Jason's 13th birthday. The little lucky devil got an iPhone for his birthday! He also got this DOPE watch, a dinner at Red Lobster, and he's bout to have a day at Dave and Buster. He said it was his best birthday ever and that made me soooooo happy! I remember when I used to play airplane with him and would take him on my shoulders EVERYWHERE. I truly love that little boy. He's the sweetest thing alive!


I was supposed to do the Pink Event with Urban Spice that night, but everything went crazy. I ended up going the hospital all night long. Because I refuse to claim negative things, I'm not even going to vent about this particular situation.

Sunday was Halloween and I had all the babies here. My nieces and nephews and even my brother Loik. I dressed up like a witch and scared all 20 kids that came to the door. It was weird, but there just wasn't that many kids. I'm wondering if that was because it was a school night...or maybe cause it fell on a Sunday and this is the bible belt? In any case,  Halloween just ain't what it used to be. I'm one to talk though...I didn't even put make-up on... Next year, without a shadow of a doubt, I will be prince with the ass out!


Well, that's my weekend in a nutshell. Bout to get my day cranking! I can already feel negativity creeping this direction, but I won't let it beat me!!! No sirree!

I can see the tipping point....

There is always a tipping point when you travel. My journey has been an incredible one full of incredible feats, awesome experiences, and many seemingly "disappointing" moments. Climbing a mountain will definitely make you doubt yourself many times over. It's also something that you must do with a team which adds an extra dynamic to it. As a leader, keeping your FAITH in tact is sometimes the hardest part. Your team mates need encouragement even when you're the one about to give up. People get left behind and some don't realize how important their being there the whole time mattered. The hardest part is knowing that you've almost reached your goal. Reaching the top of the mountain represents so many things. For one, it's a mirage, because that is not your goal, the goal is getting back down to the other side after you've reached the top. But it does represent easier travelling ahead. It makes the sense of purpose larger. It feeds the soul with the necessary fuel. It gives a sense of accomplishment that makes you KNOW that it can be done. Now - it's time to take the whole team home. Safely and in one piece, with all the precious jewels that were taken on this journey.

Ladies and gentleman, although I'm not there yet, I can see the tipping point. My load is HEAVY and I'm fortunate to have a great team. We're getting stronger. We've even added some companions along the way that have strengthened us. We've also let some people go - some have tragically died. It's tough, so we're still pushing, but we're almost there. We can see the tipping point! There is no turning back now!!!!

We've almost reached the tipping point

This is the hardest part

Grabbing all this hard work - and pushing it over the top

Got to keep the load balanced and soak the scenery in

as we check that every thing is in place 

And the second journey begins

Screw the bolts in tight, lubricate the rust away

Cause when we easy riding down

Our carriage must not sway

The momentum needs much support 

So we don't end in a crash

But a gentle swish down into port

Is how we did our math.

When we get to the bottom, we need people there ready to unload.

And tell the story properly

of what happened on that mountain road

We lost many and always almost gave up.

But kept on a pushing - UP UP UP

Sweat and tears wiped away with our faith

Now we know we can slide down and give our bodies a rest

Cause we can see that gracious tipping point.

We've almost reached our tipping point!

Even though I lost - WE WON!

For all of you that don't know - I didn't win the Hottest Host award (Big ups to Jersey for winning) -- but we did win BEST INTERNET RADIO SHOW!!! Yupee! I wasn't able to attend as I was helping a friend, but am thankful for everybody that believes in us and supported us. Thank you. We still have one more to go! Help us win for the SEA awards. www.southernentawards.com/ballot/vote.html. I can't wait for that one - I'ma take a nice trip to Memphis for that one. Oooooweeee. Can't wait to go to Memphis boy!

The Aids Walk Atlanta was successful. I wasn't able to attend that either, but raised $30 as part of team #BeARoleModel. Next year i'ma shoot for $160! I think I can make that happen! Big ups to everybody that helped out to make a difference. Half of the people in America that contract AIDS are under the age of 19years old - HALF! Let's educate and help people protect themselves. Let's also help people that are afflicted live the most comfortable life they can!

With that being said, today I go shopping for The Sypher360 Show! I'm super excited! Also on the agenda: The Miss Georgia Pole Competition contestants will be at WTF Online Radio today. I'm also excited to see a sneak peek at Dahlia von Danger's routine today. Woohooo! I'm so proud of shorty! She's going to be a force to be reckoned with. This is her first feature performance!!! How cool is that!? And then - one of my favorite shows is back on the scene: DresthaBeatnik's Mic Club! I used to drive EVERY Tuesday from Macon, GA to see that years ago! I'm proud and happy for him to get it back up and running. It's at the Royal Peacock for those of you that have never been, it's worth it. So come to the Fox to see and hear WTF Online Radio, and then off to the Peacock! If you can't make it to the Fox, please log onto www.wtfonlineradio.com.

LOVE YOU GUYS! CARPE DIEM!!!!!!!!!