Your Wisdom

The answers lay within.
Soft currents of truth, gentle yet powerful.
An innate knowledge - ignored and we block the source.
Its infinite solidity punctured, made to waver needlessly.
Like a wound, it heals with attention.
Scabs turning to scars that hopefully disappear.
The memory of it's existence - your wisdom
to do with it as you please.
Hopefully compassion makes you a teacher, helping others learn from your experience.
Others are negligent and don't analyze the truth; therefore not allowing their wounds to heal.
They don't acknowledge the gentle and powerful currents.
Flesh marked profusely with unending scars.
We are nothing without our spirit.
Listen to it closely. With respect.
The tools lay within.
Jewels in need of a good cleansing.
Repetitive prodding makes them shine through.
The answers presenting themselves with undeniable clarity.
The source no longer clouded and hard to see.

Walk In Your Authority

I got into a terrible car crash last Saturday leaving Cristal the Great's Birthday Pool Celebration. I crashed right into a parked car as I was adjusting the GPS system. Thankfully I left with minimal damage to my body and didn't physically hurt anybody. Unfortunately the owner of the vehicle I hit had an outstanding warrant and went to jail, and my car may be totaled. Horrible since the last car note was literally JUST PAID a week prior. 

The past week has been tough. I've found myself crying a lot and questioning my path in life. The stupid decisions I've made that have not only slowed me down, but affected the people around me. The accident with my car was pure negligence. So many people rely on me and I just SCREWED up horribly. To add fuel to the fire, my family, boyfriend, and friends have been so supportive and kind to me - making me feel blessed, but terribly guilty.

So, yesterday I went to church. Although I don't proclaim to be a Christian, I go to not only support my mother, but also to gain a better understanding of my boyfriend's religion. This particular sermon spoke mountains to me. Judge Melvin Johnson gave testimonials and spoke of the story of Lazarus. In his testimony, he spoke about how God was responsible for making him Chief Judge at the age of 35 and told his incredible story. My eyes couldn't stop watering at the incredible power of God and his inspiring story of faith. What ended up truly hitting home though, was what he got out of the story of Lazarus. It being father's day, he chose this story to inspire men to be visionaries, compassionate, and to walk in their authority. Naturally, it spoke to all men and women. He said that as a visionary, God speaks to us and we must stay firm in our understanding and decisions. When Jesus took 4 days to raise Lazarus from the dead, he had all types of peer pressure and gossipers questioning and doubting him, but he remained steadfast in what he knew he must do. Secondly, when Jesus finally arrived at the house of Lazarus, his sisters (Mary & Martha) were naturally upset with him and people were crying and the gossipers were talking mess about him. Instead of getting upset or saying I told you so, he showed compassion and "Jesus wept", not for Lazarus, because he knew he'd lift him from the dead, but because of everyone else. Naturally, when one stops crying, they must fix the situation instead of dwelling in the sorrow and misery. So Jesus lifted Lazarus from the dead and Walked in His Authority.

This sermon truly hit home for me and is something that I know I will remember for eternity. As a visionary, I knew I wasn't supposed to go to Cristal's party. Honestly, I didn't want to miss out on all the fun and also didn't want her and her brother to think I was a flake since I haven't shown up to anything. I went, and then crashed the car. Of course, many people were PISSED off; my mother was PISSED off since she also relies on the car, Cristal was disgusted cause I caused trouble at her otherwise successful and fun party, and my boyfriend was annoyed for not being safer with my life. Many times I also was pissed because I didn't want to be judged and was tired of hearing people's mouths, but I must show compassion. I messed up and must feel where they're coming from...even if it feels obsessive. I shouldn't expect people to instantly be okay from a simple sorry. Lastly, although this is a major bump in the road, I must walk in my authority. Make sure all parties feel reassured that I will do better next time. Apologize to the right people. Handle the situation of the car. Know that God will forgive me and get on my knees and pray. Be an example. And that is what I've learned and will carry with me forever. REMEMBER LAZARUS.

I'm BAAAACK!

I lot has happened since my first blog. Things didn't quite happen the way they were supposed to. I'm back at 150lbs (goal is to have a 6 pack by the time I'm 30 in 9 months), I haven't been meditating, doing my morning pages, nor my 6X book every day. I've also only done 2 things on my 30 things to do before I'm 30 list. The truth is, I've just been exhausted. I'm not even going to beat myself up about it, because despite falling off the wagon a few times - I've done some incredible things and just needed to ease into this new way of life.

1) My radio show is officially at over 20,000 hits a show (started at 47 four months ago). Check us out at www.wtfonlineradio.com
2) Have a new office downtown.
3) Lovoi Sustainable Villages has officially gained support from the government for some BIG projects. I'm officially working on new fundraisers, so hit me up with any questions.
4) I've also decided to manage myself, which is a BIG deal. I've been searching for somebody to take that role, but it hasn't been successful. At first it hurt me pretty bad, cause it feels like maybe somebody doesn't feel like i'm worth it, but got over that insanity and decided to take matters in my own hands.
5) I'm in the midst of doing 2 mixtapes (FINALLY).
6) This weekend I'm in Mississippi for a photoshoot.

With that being said - I'm BAAAAACK! Focused and ready! I've been charging up ready to take over the world! Watch me do me!!!

Smooches! Wish me luck! I'm bout to go run right now after I meditate.

Sypher

Seeing Through Different Eyes

My sight is no longer rigid. I see in translucent layers of color. Each situation can cast a different result depending on how the light hits. Anticipation still sneaks by trying to mold outcomes. But my sight dampers its persistence causing it's unclear and  excitable notions to be uncertain in it's conclusions.

I notice that I can breathe easy again, letting myself exhale more frequently. My jaws release and are no longer tense. The rapidly moving thoughts in my mind are diluted a trillion fold. This is what it means to live easy.

Understanding that pain is relative - as is happiness. The line between love and hate is non-existent - it's the same emotion. What I see with my own two eyes is always an illusion. The voices I hear with my own two ears are heard, but incoherent.

Now life is truly exciting. I ride experience like a wave always surprised when I land, forever finding treasure. Whether land is barren or lush - I'm just happy to experience life.

Another Angel to Watch Over Us

My friend's mom died this morning. 3rd and 4th degree burns to over 70% of her body. I remember that dark morning in Saudi Arabia when I came home with my baby brother Loik, and the doctors told me that my mother (whom was 8 months pregnant) had been in a horrible fire and was going to die. My father was in the hospital with 2nd degree burns and came home hysterical and afraid as he was the one to put the fire out. I was 12 years old and my life changed. Although I became very strong, I was extremely vulnerable. I grew up over night. Had to take care of my family, handle my regular responsibilities of going too school, deal with preteen hormonal issues, and I started dealing with alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. I felt guilty for what had happened to my mother. Without getting into details, I believe that if I was at home, it would have never happened.

When Vicky told me her Mom had just got burned several weeks ago, my initial reaction was to run away from all the feelings that it conjured up inside of me. I didn't realize how many emotions and feelings I literally stuffed deeply away. I was just a child and didn't really know how to deal with it. I remember turning born again Christian, and secretly chain smoking, and staying drunk and high. I got lucky, despite all odds, momma made it through. Although altered permanently from scars, I still had my momma. I remember resenting her for needing me so much and am still struggling with the guilt of not being happily helpful.

I spoke to Vicky almost every day when her mom first got burned. She sounded so strong and I was shocked to find that I had some jewels to share with her. 1) Don't listen to anything the doctor says. Don't give up. Just pray and talk and sing to your momma because even though she can't see, she can hear you - even if it's subconscious. She just called me and thanked me and my mom for being their and I sit here typing this letter with tears streaming down my face.  In a calm and steady voice, she told me her mom passed and even expressed her hopes for her coming around in 3 months, but she's gone. She wasn't even crying. God my sister is a pillar of strength.

My mom says that it was the best thing for her to die, despite what her family wanted. She says that from what she knows and has experienced, that her age and the severity of her burns were too much to bare. I'm just left humbled and grateful. As much as I get angry and annoyed with my mother, she's here with me loving me and guiding me. The story of my family has been TOUGH - to say the least, but we have a bond and strength that only comes when people go through extremely painful experiences.

I'm ashamed to talk to Vicky because I may have given her false hopes. I don't know what to say to someone who's just lost their mother and was looking at my situation as a reference point for perseverance. I must straighten up and just be there for her anyway I can. I wish I was as strong and confident as she is and am thankful that I have been forced to relive the darkest parts of my life.

RIP Mama Jeudy.

Sonia

MY PERSONAL ETHICAL CODE...

As you all know, I'm in a fight right now to be the best I can be. I've developed a personal ethical code (with the help of the DIAMOND CUTTER) to follow in my life. This is something I hope to pass down to my unborn children:

MY PERSONAL ETHICAL CODE

1) DO NOT LIE
2) BE HAPPILY HELPFUL
3) ALWAYS GIVE PEOPLE MORE THEN WHAT THEY NEED
4) DON'T THINK BAD THOUGHTS OF OTHERS
5) DO NOT SPEAK NEGATIVELY OF OTHERS
6) DO NOT STEAL - AT ALL!!! (NOT A GRAPE FROM THE KROGER OR 38 cents of change)
7) PAY ALL DEBTS (even the ones I think are whack)
8) ENCOURAGE BEAUTIFUL WORDS FROM LEAVING MY MOUTH (Quit Cursing)
9) PROTECT LIFE (Wish I could be vegetarian...gonna cut down...animals have feelings too)
10) LEARN AT LEAST 1 NEW THING EACH DAY
11) DON'T ABUSE DRUGS & ALCOHOL
12) PROTECT OTHER's PROPERTY

Many of you know that some of these things will be particularly challenging - especially cursing. I have a horrible potty mouth. And sometimes I wonder the significance of not cursing at all. What does it really hurt? - it's just another form of expression which is sometimes REALLY accurate. What's the difference of saying Fudge instead of Fuck? Or not saying either one and thinking it? Nothing - really. I've just noticed for the first time that people express utter shock when they hear me curse. It was like when I used to smoke and people would look at me and say they would have NEVER in a million years expected me to smoke. Now - as I'm getting older - I want to match that perception that people have of me with true actions. What does that say about somebody when they think you are incapable of smoking or using profanity. To me, it is a form of respect to be envisioned that way. I know I have a particular form of respect for people that appear to live "clean" lives. Well - I want to be a role model. I want to be revered. With that being said - you now know my moral code of living. Here is a poem I wrote this morning when I woke up and decided I'd stop cursing:

Dedicated to Corey A Thomas for inspiring me to do so:

SHIP, DARN, MOTHERFUDGER
by Sonia "Sypher" Tyler


FUCK - My favorite proclamation of despair
which can only feel better, when prefaced with Mother
SHIT - What better way to express disappointment
then thinking of excrement; nasty, but quite relevant
BITCH - A word that cuts with great precision
Makes the user feel empowered, and the receiver sadly deflowered
DAMN - When something is utterly disgusting
The opposite of Godly, but used the most involuntary

All of these words have a punch when you say them.
And is the second thing more demeaning then a face spat on with phlegm.
When angry, these feel like the best way to express distress
Until people start looking perturbed and perplexed
Not for nothing naughty words are always associated
with the low class and extreme unintelligence

Now I wonder what this world would be, if I did not use words of profanity

~ I would always know how to exactly articulate my thoughts around children and their parents
~ No more hushed conversations on the phone, cause I know most my words come out wrong
~ That look one gets when they're beautiful, won't be taken away once they hear my mouthful

I imagine a transformation into Queendom
where the new cool is to be regal
And it wouldn't matter what your religion
you could never mistaken my words for evil
I also suspect life would be more peaceful
having to think before I speak ill

SHIP, DARN, MOTHER-FUDGER! I got to stop using all these flippin curse words!

Introducing my alter ego BLOOD RAVEN

So I went on an audition today dressed as a "Latin Terror". I had on a slinky black dress with tons of leg and tatas showing and put this incredible long blue black wig on all topped off with a red rose and blood red lipstick. I was surprised at all the attention I got. Guys just couldn't stop staring and I was rather bewildered at the torrents of compliments thrown my way. I usually get a lot of love, but this was times 10! And now I know why girls are addicted to fake hair and short skirts. There's a power in gaining the attention of all those in your circumference. I found myself driving, wanting the other drivers to notice me in the car. Ridiculous. It was fun for the day - and I may let my alter ego out on a couple of nights to paint the town red -- Her Name Shall Be Blood Raven (after the movie I just auditioned for). Here is her story:


I need to be put in my place, FIRMLY
Subtlety won't do the job, I'M WILD
Patience will wear you out , JUST BEAT ME

I'll take a mile if you give me an inch
My experiences have made me a bitch
I'm come too far and I've seen too much
Your on bullshit, that's always my hunch
They say kill me with kindness and I'll eventually learn
I say fuck with my madness and you'll always get burned
I'm a cave woman, I gather and hunt
Take and eat all I encounter, then move into somebody else's hut
Damn right I'm vulnerable, but don't be fooled
A woman's tears are sometimes her greatest tool
If you see me tremble, understand comfort won't work
You better back up, I'm a volcano ready to burst

JUST BEAT ME, put me in my place
I'M WILD, don't be fooled by this pretty face
FIRMLY, a straight jacket is all I should embrace

Do any of you know anybody like this?  Hope you enjoyed the poem!

I will post my Personal Ethical Code tomorrow.

Smooches! Sonia "Sypher" Tyler