Back on my Do or Die Mission

It's 5:17 in the morning. I got up at 4:30, and I'm already done with my morning pages, and almost breakfast. I've been slipping hard! But I ain't tripping on that. I recognize that when I was the most disciplined with my work out regimen, I got up EARLY and got it out of the way first. So here I am. Hoping to be at Bally's by 6am and getting a solid hour in. At this time, it's time for me to realign myself and propel myself to higher heights with my EVERYTHING. They say time waits for no man, and I am no exception. I decided to reach back and see where I am with my bucket list. Here we go:

1. Get a six pack - On my way to the gym now, but I'm about at a 0 on my list SMH.
2. Invest in some stock - haven't even researched it
3. Get nominated for something - I got nominated for ATL's HOTTEST HOST & INTERNET RADIO STATION - PLEASE GO VOTE NOW: www.ATLCLUBAWARDS.com. Make sure to vote for me and WTFOnlineRadio.com
4. Mentor somebody - technically haven't found anyone to mentor yet 
5. Get My Bio Done - no bio yet -smh
6. Learn to ride a motorcycle - don't even know if I really want to do this anymore - may have to switch this one out
7. Spend a weekend on a yacht - haven't gotten close
8. Get 5,000 twitter friends - at a little over 1,000. Gonna buy Jawar's book so I can pick that up some
9. Help make somebody famous - working on KS Boyz, Dahlia von Danger, and Altered
10. Go see a pro football game - It's football season, I think this one is coming soon
11. Pose for a national eye candy magazine - Have to get a little more sexy for this one
12. Live COMPLETELY alone - Don't know if this is possible due to Jason...
13. Learn to make sushi - not even close
14. Record a rap song (or a verse on one) LMAO - a couple of people to record this with me...I think I'ma be able to do it
15. Join the mile high club - haven't even been on a plane yet this year...that's different for me
16. Forgive someone I HATE - I've forgiven EVERYBODY I hate...learning to forgive the things about me I ain't digging.
17. Take nude pictures - traveled all the way to Mississippi for this one
18. Get a Brazilian (ouch!) - still ain't done this one...waiting for it to get cooler...always an excuse here. LOL
19. Share my poetry publicly at a spoken word venue - haven't even memorized one yet
20. Start my blog - did this, now need to maintain it.
21. Take salsa classes - nope
22. Go skydiving -nope
23. Find a script to direct a full length movie - nope
24. Make somebody $100,000. -nope
25. Go white water rafting - nope
26. Go to a 25 and over party - nope
27. Get mentioned in a National Publication -nope
28. Start writing my memoirs - nope
29. Sing Karaoke by myself (never done that) -nope
30. Finish 10 MYB Production Skits - nope


Shameful. I've ONLY done 4 things on my list and I've only got 6 months left till my birthday. I guess I need to get on it! I'ma be soooo whack if I don't do at least half of these things. Sigh. Today I choose a poem to memorize. That shouldn't be so hard.


Off to the gym! Wish me luck!!!

Flexibility

Flexibility. 1.Willing or disposed to yield. 2. Susceptible of modification or change; adaptable.

I've always thought I was flexible. As someone who's traveled the world and been fortunate enough to do so many cool things, I thought I had the ability to adapt to different circumstances. What I've just discovered is although I may be able to adapt to different circumstances, my brain is very rigid when it comes to personal development.

If I set goals for myself, I'm really hard on myself and the slightest change of circumstance will have me thrown off course. For example, let's say I need to be in bed by 9pm so I can wake up at 4am to do my exercise, meditation, morning writing, Tundruk, eat well and get dressed by the time 9am comes around. If something comes up (like last night having to take the lovely Dahlia von Danger to jail at 10pm), it literally mind rapes me into feeling like I can't do all of the things I planned. I will end up making excuses and have to start all over on a Monday. And yes...I always have to start any plans on a Monday or it doesn't feel right.

That's stupid, right? My goal is to be more flexible. I don't need to beat my self up cause I woke up at 7am instead of 4am. If I don't get my exercise in before 9pm, I can still do it later, or just skip a day. The world will not end, and I don't have to wait till the top of the week to start on my goals. I need to be able to go with the current and breeze through life with no problems. Life always throws curve balls. Expect the unexpected and adapt. Don't be sturdy in your ways.


So DAHLIA von DANGER, a model/feature dancer I represent had to turn herself into the police last night. It was bananas. The lucky little devil ended up getting out on a signature bond and it just reminded me of the first time I went to jail at 19 years old. I actually pulled out some jail house poetry and writings to share with y'all when I was in the hole...
                                   
                                 She quietly schemes
                                 Eyes pulled tight into slits
                                 Lip curled slightly to one corner
                                 Her smirk speaking volumes
                                 If anyone would listen
                                 She roars violently
                                 Under her demure shell
                                 Ready to bite
                                 She takes her time eating
                                 She's waiting for the vultures
                                 To Swoop again
                                 She's seething
                                 Each disrespectful action makes her stronger
                                 She's almost at invisible
                                 They used to be able to see her every move
                                 But the tables have turned
                                 She's been paying attention
                                 While they were seeking attention
                                 She now knows
                                 And will use it to her advantage
                                 Making each one snivel and regret
                                 Swoop
                                 They took her milk
                                 Swoop Swoop
                                 There goes her bread
                                 She knows time by counting her steadheart beat
                                 The bell will sound in 5 minutes
                                 Her heartbeat quickens
                                 She loses time
                                 All is lost
                                 She'll time it right next time.


.....Don't ask. Jail had me tripping! I had two pieces of paper and a pencil I would sharpen with my teeth, no lie. When there was no room left on the papers, I thought I would die! I was only allowed out of my cell for an hour a day and wasn't allowed to read or anything. HELL on EARTH! Never again...(or should I be flexible). I don't know...everyone ain't Mandela!
                                

Your Wisdom

The answers lay within.
Soft currents of truth, gentle yet powerful.
An innate knowledge - ignored and we block the source.
Its infinite solidity punctured, made to waver needlessly.
Like a wound, it heals with attention.
Scabs turning to scars that hopefully disappear.
The memory of it's existence - your wisdom
to do with it as you please.
Hopefully compassion makes you a teacher, helping others learn from your experience.
Others are negligent and don't analyze the truth; therefore not allowing their wounds to heal.
They don't acknowledge the gentle and powerful currents.
Flesh marked profusely with unending scars.
We are nothing without our spirit.
Listen to it closely. With respect.
The tools lay within.
Jewels in need of a good cleansing.
Repetitive prodding makes them shine through.
The answers presenting themselves with undeniable clarity.
The source no longer clouded and hard to see.

The only thing that remains constant is change. This is one of the oldest adages that we seem to forget when we make decisions. I don't know how often I hear people say they are cleaning house and want to cut people off. It's funny because I always thought I was a forgiving person and didn't hold grudges, but this year, I reacquainted with several people that I had written off for life. Some of them I purposely reached out to in an attempt to heal and face old wounds. Others came to me and I know it's cause I called them subconsciously, deeply wanting closure. Honestly it doesn't even matter who was right or wrong - time heals old wounds and people are allowed to change. I only have two more people I need to gain closure from - one of them a former best friend who cheated on me with my boyfriend, the other someone that threatened the life of my family. Some say this is a can of worms that should stay closed. I believe that your worst enemies should be treated like your best friends - that is something a very wise man told me and although I haven't mastered it yet - it has taught me great patience and wisdom.

And just when I thought I would never cut any body off again - I have cut somebody off today. Ironic, huh? I don't know for how long, but it is an unhealthy relationship. I'm just happy that I'm doing it at a time when I'm not angry, I just see the bigger picture and need to protect my business. I've been working with this person for a year, but it has been stagnant. I could point the finger, but I truly believe we create our own realities so it's my fault. I've known this for quite some time and have been trying to rectify it. In a way, it was a test to see if I could actually change somebody and their circumstances through love and understanding, but now, I just realize that if I keep doing the same things with no change - I'm just insane. I'm wondering what your thoughts are of this? Here's a poem I wrote this morning about this:

I tried everything to stick by you

but my colors couldn't break your blue

My attempts to fix things you screwed

So now my compassion for you I outgrew.

A full year of dealing with you has passed

Can't help but feel guilt for failing your ass

Am I wrong for running away

Even though you never protected me?

Money I lent, you never gave back

All your words always felt like attacks

I knew you were weak so I just let it slide

But to my unwavering love, you were desensitized

At the end of the day, I must call a spade a spade

You used my honey and that cuts like a blade

I chose to stick by you so I charge it to the game

I'm moving on knowing there's no one to blame

You've proved to be exactly what you've always been

My hopes for you were not your dreams

I'm trying to come to terms for bailing out

I ride or die for people, that's what I'm about

But the truth is, you've never been a friend

All you brought to me was problem after problem

Your talents are like the songs of the sirens

They hoodwink people into temporary blindness

But as soon as the melody dissipates

you realize that it was just bait

I'm tired of taking bites that don't satisfy

if I keep on this path, then I'm a walking lie

It's time for me to own up to the truth

the fact is - I don't really like you

I tried and tried and tried again

But this time I'm out homie - disappearing like David Blain

As for my goals...

1) Practicing the laws of The Diamond Cutter

I was generous with my time and resources half of my day (didn't work on a database for a friend that I promised to complete or help my ma with her dresser although I could have spent less time on FaceBook)

Didn't engage in talk that splits people up (but mentally was PISSED off with several things - A person that made a very insensitive comment on FB and I judged someone for supporting something I didn't agree with).

2) Exercising, eating well, and meditating daily - COMPLETELY stop smoking and drinking

149lbs Didn't smoke or drink. Didn't exercise (Day 2 of P90X! I will try and do it before I go to bed. It's funny how your mind can play tricks on you. My friend Ookie said that Plyometrics was going to kick my ass, so I've been scared since day 1 kicked my ass and he said it was easy. Gotta do it anyway! Eating well? Let's just say I followed one third of my diet but cheated with some "Sticky Boobas" (corn tortillas with melted cheese on top) CHEESE MESSES ME UP EVERY TIME. And as for the meditating - I'll get that in tonight after I work out too.

3) To stop saying NO to opportunities due to FEAR and/or LAZINESS.

I did something I've been afraid of for quite some time, and that was making an important decision on the direction of my career with my manager.

I better get to working out before I say it's too late! My bed time is 3am! Gotta get up early to take my baby brother to Home Depot on Sydney Marcus to make a butterfly house. 3pm meet me at Freedom Parkway for a huge PILLOW FIGHT!

Special Shout

To my dear friend and wonderfully talented photographer for taking my Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil photo (blog header picture) and just being a great all around person:

Jarek James of Jamagination. Make sure to check out his work and join his social networks: myspace.com/jamagination, facebook.com/jarekjames, twitter.com/jamagine, youtube.com/jamagination, modelmayhem.com/jarekjames

Sypher 360

Hey Friends,

Thank you so much for showing interest in my blog: Sypher 360.

A "cipher" is a puzzle that must be figured out. Sypher 360 is my journey to putting the pieces of the puzzle together. My aim is to inspire change and help people achieve success and self-awareness through this blog. I've been in the game for 12 years and am just now experiencing the joys and fruits of my labors and most importantly, my life. My goal is to share my life with you honestly so you can learn from all the mistakes I've made in the past and watch how they're being rectified and the challenges that come with it.

Many of you know me as Sypher or Sista Sypher or The Queen of the Mic. My titles have included (but are not limited to) Producer/Director for Video City in New York, On Air Personality for Foxie 107, Director of Marketing for Grip Magazine, Editor for Xcitement Magazine, Master of Ceremonies and DJ (for 1000s of events), Manager to several artists and models, Actress, Director, Assistant Director, & Writer. At 29 years old, I have been blessed with a lifetime of experience in the entertainment field.

The truth is, with all the bootleg celebrity that I have, I have gained moderate success to say the least. For someone that speaks several languages, been all over the world, held pretty prestigious positions, I don't have as much to prove for it as I should. My story is filled with great successes tainted with alcohol & drug abuse, dishonesty, bad relationships and self-hate. Those that KNOW me know this to be true - most of you don't know me and probably thought I had all my shit together as I struggled to achieve my dreams.

Since November of last year, my life took a 360 degree turn in the most wonderful direction. I read a book called "The Diamond Cutter" and suddenly all the mixed up puzzle pieces in my life started to come together. I've always been somebody that LOVED people, and for this, I believe I've been saved a horrible plight. The problem is, I didn't always know how to love people properly . This blog is one of self discovery, growth, and maturity and I am honored (though frightened) to share it with you. You will see me NAKED and I hope this will give you the strength to do what is necessary to not only be a happier more complete person, but to make your mark in the world in a profound way as I know I now have the tools to do.

There are 3 things that I am dedicating myself to for a full year starting today:

1) Practicing the laws of The Diamond Cutter book - if you haven't read it, GET IT NOW!

2) Exercising every day, eating well, and COMPLETELY stop smoking and drinking - My goal is to have a 6 pack by the time I'm 30 (February 1st 2011). As you know - one of the most challenging things, mentally and physically, is losing weight and achieving the body that you want, especially when you reach a certain age.

3)To stop saying NO to opportunities due to FEAR. I will set out to do EVERYTHING I've every dreamed of. (I'll post my 30 things to do before I'm 30 blog in a couple of days).

My theory is that if I dedicate myself to the principles of the Diamond Cutter (which i will explain more in detail each day) and grab my nuts and do things I was previously scared of (although I've just admitted it), I will be a powerhouse to be reckoned with. Not only will I be financially sound, but will be responsible for helping many others achieve well-balanced happiness and success. I want to die knowing that I put smiles on every face I came in contact with through empowerment.

With that being said - I will leave you with a poem that I wrote this morning:

My Life Twinkles

by Sonia "Sypher" Tyler

Waking up is a joy
Sleeping is too
It doesn't matter if my eyes are opened or closed
All the images I have are sprinkled with Pixie Dust
My Life Twinkles

Songs breeze effortlessly past my lips
I'm surrounded with excitement and hope
Even darkness is filled with wonder
What I can't see intrigues me

Set backs are more time to learn
Sick days force me to take time to read a new book
People's pain is my opportunity to make yet another person smile
Failure is closer to success

My face shines
I look in the mirror LOVE what I see
My imperfections are perfect, unique, and personal
I don't spend time trying to look good
cause I AM good.
My Life Twinkles

You can see it in my eyes
and the gleam of my smile
You can hear the twinkle doing back flips in my laughter
It vibrates on the sidewalk in my gay shadow

Lovers can't get enough
Fighters relax and breathe
Skeptics have a mind freeze
Liars have no need to talk
Haters let the chip fall
Fronters find peace in the truth
Children gain confidence
Women stop complaining
Men explore their soft side
Dogs nestle as a cat purrs

I'm like the cool breeze in the scorching sun
You feel relief as it dances across your skin
At that single moment, you know, life is worth living

I'll be back tomorrow!!! Just so you know - I am 151lbs today and just started a diet and did Day 1 of the P90X!!!!